Finally Caught up: Game of Thrones

I was sorely tempted to post this picture as reason enough to watch HBO's Game of Thrones, the new show based on George R.R. Martin's still unfinished fantasy series. Look at those sideburns tied into a beard, I think any viewer would agree that this is costuming genius and reason enough to watch.

But I can't leave it at that.
My wife was halfway watching with me, even though this is nothing like what she usually spends her precious few viewing minutes on. Her sole comment was "Is that a midget getting a blowjob?" Indeed it was, the first of many if the show stays true to the books. Clearly another mark in the show's favor.

I just finished the series of books the show is based on literarily known as A Song of Fire and Ice and I read them specifically to prepare for this show. Never mind that for years I had friends telling me I had to read the series. Since Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time books I've been wary of far reaching series of books that aren't finished written by older authors.

The funny thing is that when I worked in a bookstore a few years ago this George R.R. Martin series was the go-to recommendation for anyone just finishing the Harry Potter series or Tolkien's books. I personally probably sold hundreds of copies of these books and it's nice to know my recommendations were for good reasons. In my defense, two employees nerdier than myself raved about these books on a weekly basis.
The books are really, really good. The world Martin has created feels real, avoiding that trap that fantasy writers fall into of just taking our world and adding dragons. It has a medivel feel but with a deep history to it. The world has its own mythology and gods that have a real sense of being developed over time within the world Martin has created. The strangest thing is that the seasons aren't fixed. When the novel starts there hasn't been a true winter in years although we get the feeling that one is coming.

The characters are very well crafted. The first book is almost overwhelming with the sheer number of characters that seem important. But Martin has created this vast cast for a reason and quickly (SPOILER ALERT) begins killing off characters that seem intrigal to the plot, it's bewildering and awesome. I found myself going back and rereading paragraphs as soon as I finished them because I couldn't believe my eyes.
Based on the first well-done episode of the show and what I can find online it looks like the books will be followed pretty faithfully. The first season is based on book one A Game of Thrones. The casting looks pretty spot on to what I was envisioning. The show didn't shy away from blood, midget blow jobs, creepy siblings or nudity in the first episode although they may have overdone Drogo's eye makeup.

The television series has already been picked up for a second season so no worries about getting emotionally invested and having the show canceled right away (Caprica). Another possible plus is that if the show continues Martin may be forced to get the books written in a more timely manner than he has managed over the last several years. The next installment of the series comes out in July and here's hoping he is busily scribbling down the next one.

The Mark of Satan: Hammer Horror

I watched another great Hammer House of Horror episode, The Mark of Satan. I usually prefer scary movies with a good classic monster but this one hit it out of the ball park without one.

Check out that sweet hairdo.

The ending was quite a surprise which is pretty rare for older horror pieces, having seen so many it's hard to sneak one past me. The descent into madness trick isn't new but they did it quite well.

Don't even think about it.

All in all a great episode, I give it five of five nails.

Children of the Full Moon: Hammer Horror

I happened across eight of the thirteen episodes of Hammer House of Horror, the television series made by the British horror institution in the eighties. The best part is that my daughter loves them, and if you can believe it, I just found out that there is a Hammer Horror Film Festival her in Paris over the next two weeks.
I watched Children of the Full Moon last night and it was awesome. The picture above is from my favorite scene, the couple has just seen a werewolf at the window and the man says, "I'm a lawyer, a logical man," and then jumps out the window in pursuit. What kind of logic is that? He besmirched the good name of lawyers everywhere with that move.
Those creepy children are a pain in the ass from the very beginning.
This scene was obviously going to end up like from the very outset. There is something about faintly cheesy special effects that just make me feel good.
I'd rate this episode four out of five nails.

Forbidden $torage

I had to stop and ask myself if I had time in my life for another show about people bidding on storage lockers and after a few minutes of introspection and prioritizing the answer was a resounding "YES". In a nutshell this is just like $torage Wars but with more cursing, fights and less developed characters.

The age old debate, piece it out or one money?

As near as I can tell the strategy here is to take $torage Wars and amp it up as much as possible. Above we have the "Beantown Bidders" who travel around the country buying up storage lockers.

Squeezing people

The auctioneer in this series is more of a character then in $torage Wars. At one point he talks about milking the bear. It should be noted that right after a locker is sold he goes into it with the buyer and goes through it with them, I'm still not sure I like this set up.

Papa Bear's victory dance

This is the Bear that gets milked, more specifically this is Papa Bear. He bought a locker filled with crazy bondage gear. There is also a "pawnshop pro" who, so far, is a bigger asshole than Dave from $torage Wars. I expect great things from his seeing as how he almost got in a fight in this first episode.

Professional appraiser

The appraisers may be one of the highlights on the show. Would you trust the judgment of a man in a fringed jacket if her were appraising anything other than fringe jackets? I plan on staying tuned and seeing how this series develops.

Storage War$ Rundown Episode three

Ahh Storage War$ is back, in fact, I found several new episodes. First things first, Darrell still has a sunburn. There was a lot happening in this episode, Darrell brought his son Brandon and Jerrod has Brandi in tow once again but Dave was flying solo.
Darrell decided to run up the bids on a couple of lockers and got a little carried away and got stuck with a locker he didn't want. Unfortunate since we learn in this episode that Darrell is financially providing for his niece. but hings work out in the end because Darrell finds a coin collection amongst the junk he's bought.

Jarrod cracks a safe.

Jarrod leaves the bidding up to Brandi because for some reason no one but Dan knows she is Jarrod's wife. You can't fault Jarrod's logic since Dave says he would have run up the bid if he had known who Brandi was. There ends up being a safe in the unit and Jarrod brags on his safe cracking skills for a minute before getting into the safe only to find it full of paper.

Brandi is pleased with her purchase.

The locker Jarrod and Brandi buy ends up being full of unopened electronics so they make a nice profit and their thrift store is stocked.
Sadly Barry didn't bring his crazy to the auction.

Storage War$ Rundown Episode two

I don't know when Storage War$ actually airs but I found episode two the other day, and got way too excited about it, here is the rundown.

Darryl hopes this locker has sunscreen in it.

The biggest disappointment of episode two is that Darryl was only in it a little bit, he didn't buy anything this time but he did still have that gnarly sunburn. He also said something about whoever had owned one of the storage lockers being a pack rat, I guess he forgot that we saw his house last episode.

Barry is getting in our heads.

This was "The Collector" Barry's breakout episode. He rolled up to the auction with a midget named Jay, stilts, and night vision goggles. The problem according to Barry was that he wasn't able to get a good look at the locker contents when they opened it up for the five minute observation period. I had assumed that he would get on the stilts for the bird's eye view and the Jay would take the low view but instead Barry decided to put the Jay on the stilts in effect making him normal height. The lockers are dark so the night vision goggles were a good idea but a little person on stilts? It did allow Barry to nab the locker with a hidden, wait for it... micro car, you can't script shit like this.

Plenty of leg room in here.

Not too much from Dave this episode, he did take a little too much pleasure in running up the bids on "The Young Gun", Jarrod. Dave's partner Steve was absent but we did get a quick introduction to Dave Jr. whose job was to look up prices for the stuff Dave Sr. had bought, riveting television.

The watch dude and his VCR hat.

I thought Darryl was my favorite character but now I think Brandi is gonna be my number one. She had a bigger role in this episode, showing up at the auction to keep Jarrod's spending and crap buying in check. She was unsuccessful. They overpaid for one locker that she was quick to point out had porn in it. While going through said locker she pointed out that if Jarrod were to break his neck she would be out.

Brandi is not happy.

They thought they had scored with an expensive watch so they went to the watch expert and she began making fun of his hat. I like this girl. I also think she might have nice breasts.
Jarrod's best quote had to be when other "people see junk, I see mystery." He probably just saw that stack of porn.

Storage Wars Rundown Ep 1

Barry started collecting antiques when he was fifteen.

There is a new show on A&E called Storage War$ (the $ is their doing) that I stumbled across a couple of days ago. The title really told me nothing, which made me curious, which meant I had to watch it and somehow I got hooked. I should probably confess that i've got a soft spot for reality t.v.; cooking shows, fishing, pickers, builders, I actually watched a couple of episodes of that Vanilla Ice remodeling show.

Jarrod owns a thrift store.

Obviously my standards are incredibly low so this may sound really stupid but the show is about people who buy the contents of storage lockers once the owners stop paying their rent. The exciting part is that the storage lockers are auctioned off by another colorful character, Dan. Dan lays out the most important rules of the auction
1. Cash only (Dave likes to bring at least ten-thousand with him.)
2. The bidders only get five minutes to look at the contents of the locker before the auction begins.

3. They can't actually go into the locker or touch anything!
Riveting television right?

Brandi is pissed at Jarrod.

Let's run down the characters shall we? Darryl "The Gambler", may be my favorite. He has been in the auction buying buisness for a long time. I say "long time" because he says twenty years at one point and then a commercial break later goes with thirty years. His most noticeable quality is the horrific sunburn he sported all episode long. If that had been me I would have been wearing a half inch of aloe and trying not to touch anything.
After the scenes at the auction Darryl volunteers to take the viewers to his house so we can see "the life of an auction buyer", I had a brief "Cribs" flashback which was spoiled when we entered the cluttered house. Darryl found four Picasso's in a storage locker, he tells us that many times. He also bought an expensive flower pot and a shit-ton of comics. Darryl is the blustery type that every reality show needs.

Dave knows organs.

Barry "The Collector" is the old dude. He's been collecting antiques since he was fifteen, seems like a strange hobby for a fifteen year old but ok. Soon after claiming his cred as an antique collector all he ends up buying a bunch of clothing from Suge Knight's movers. Not the antiques I was thinking of but he does end the show with the biggest profit.
Dan "The Mogul" owns a thrift store and a consignment shop. I guess the rules for moguldom have changed during the recession. Dan also has a partner, which feels a little like cheating but he does say that he's the boss so we can let it slide for the time being. Dan strikes out by buying a locker he thought had a Hammond B3 organ in it. It did not but did contain a bunch of baseball cards so he finished strong.

Darryl needs sunscreen.

Jarrod "The Young Gun" has a wife, Brandi. Brandi did not go to the auction with him and was pissed when he came home with a bunch of crap and a questionable car. The car ended up being worth something which was a nice save for Jarrod but isn't the real head scratcher here. Brandi is actually kinda cute (the picture does not do her justice), why is she with Jarrod? He gives of a faint mexican gangster vibe and owns a crappy thrift store. I hope that question gets answered during this season.

Katee

I don't know why the fact that Katee Sackoff is on CSI has me so excited but she does the bad ass cop very well. I only know her from my much loved Battlestar Galactica(may it rest in peace) where she played the bad ass pilot very well.

My kinda research

You've peobably seen these new findings concerning Guinness. That's right, it is actually good for you which is great news. I mean it basically does the same thing taking a baby aspirin does for you but then again, great excuse to have at least one Guinness a day. Of coarse you could take the aspirin and skip out on all those calories but i digress.
The greatest part of this whole story is the research itself, they gave dogs Guinness!! I mean come on, we've all wondered how hilarious a drunk dog would be. If t.v. taught us anything it's that having a drunk dog around somehow insures lots of bouncy ladies will be all over the place.
I can't wait to see what comes out of the "Lets get this Chihuahua high" line of research.

30 Rock

Word on the street is that 30 Rock has been picked up for another season, thank God.