Sunday, December 04, 2005

Stand back ladies

Ladies don't stare directly at the chuck, he may cause pregnancy. One bit of Chuck Norris wisdom was repeated again and again at the Christmas parade last night.
Little Girl: "Look at the horses mommy."
Me and okryan:"Chuck isn't hung like a horse, horses are hung like chuck."
Little Girl: "Mommy i'm scared"
Overweight mullet wearing mother: "Don't be honey, they're right."

Chuck Norris fact of the day: Chuck Norris once ate two 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

13 comments:

fact of the moment said...

There are no disabled people. Only people who
have met Chuck Norris.

SpanksVosse said...

If Chuck got into a fight with Macgyver who would win?

Duh said...

Chuck would overwhelm him with toejam
then swollow him whole.

SpanksVosse said...

I don't think so...Mac would use that toejam as an antedote and fight back with a stick and a bandaid made into a jet pack and fly outta there.

SpanksVosse said...

But I would seriously love to rip off that towel so you all could finally realize that chuck is hiding a pussy! He is a WOMAN! Think about it.

Anonymous said...

Chuck Norris is going to kick all yall in the teeth and make u cry. Then he is going to use your tears as a pestiside to fight off sissies like you Chuck Haters.

SpanksVosse said...

I already killed chuck. He dead...on the ground. Tears and all. I gave him my judo chop kick to the head and then roundhoused his ass all over town while he screamed for his mama. All I could say is mama not here bitch. Time to die!

Anonymous said...

See that is where you are wrong. It is very Chuck like to send in a decoy to think you have killed him. I mean come on do you really think a single judo chop would bring down the Chuckster? All I can say is do not go to sleep tonight. I would not worry about Freddy Crougar in your dreams but I would keep and eye peeled for Chuck in his Chuck Norris action jeans. He is coming and it will be a redemption on the brave soul that has slandered the Chuckster...

spanksvosse said...

I slander and slander...I slather his creamy flabby butt onto my bread and eat it. Eat it whole. Bones and all. I take Chuck down to the whooooshed and into the wood choppper. His ass is mine. No more chucky folks...he dead. Ded!

Naomi said...

When I saw this i could not contain my laughter! So I had to explain to Chris why talking about Chuck Norris's penis was so funny.... He did not get it

sumobeats said...

I need to set up an appointment with chuck's wax and oil guy... Look at dem shiny pecs!

How much chuck can a woodchuck chuc said...

Chuck can NEVER DIE
NEVER !

you may eat him whole
but you will nevert kill his soul
liced or diced with milk in a bowl
He will coalesce and call Bob Dole
and stick your ass upon a pole
fill your stocking full of coal
God's wrath will take a toll
Wiggle peanuts in your A-hole

Dontcha be
Dontcha be'
Dontcha murdering Chuck
Dontcha be
Dontch be
'Dontcha be killin' norris, Doris.

I can dance the rondolay
surf the stones in mandaley
I can bring him back
Bring him back
roll away the stone
Bring him back
bring him back
Even if you peel him down to the bone

SpanksVosse said...

Chuck is gone
Chuck is dead
Chuck in the ground
I filled him full of lead

He ain't here
He ain't there
He be stiff
not just in his underwear

I like butter
I like tea
I like Chuck
Lice Free